It is a sad fact but a true one; domestic violence is very common. Research shows that it affects one in four women in their lifetime. Two women a week are killed by their partners or former partners. All forms of domestic violence – psychological, financial, emotional and physical – come from the abuser’s desire for power and control over an intimate partner or other family members. Domestic violence is repetitive and life-threatening, it tends to worsen over time and it destroys the lives of women and children.
If you know or suspect that a family member, friend or work colleague is experiencing domestic violence, it may be difficult to know what to do. It can be very upsetting that someone is hurting a person you care about. Your first instinct may be to want to protect your friend or family member but intervening can be dangerous for both you and her. Of course, this does not mean you should ignore it.
Here are few ideas from the National Domestic Violence helpline on what you can do to help:
Be supportive.
Listen and offer nonjudgmental support. Tell her the violence is not her fault, that she deserves to be treated with respect, and that you don’t blame her (even if she decides to stay).
Learn more about relationship violence.
Recognize the warning signs of abuse and understand why many don’t press charges against their abusers.
Be aware of the risks.
Be careful about how you communicate with the victim, since many abusers closely monitor their victims.
Ensure your own safety.
Never confront an abuser or put yourself in danger.
Find resources.
Before speaking to a victim, get phone numbers of local shelters, crisis lines, YWCA or agencies offering specialized services.
Choose the right time and place.
Be thoughtful about where and when to discuss your concerns. Choose a private place where you will not be overheard or interrupted.
Voice your concerns. Be sensitive.
Don’t give details about what you have witnessed, as she may feel the need to give excuses or deny what happened. Explain why you want to support her and tell her you’re ready to listen whenever she is.
Put her in charge.
Explore options with her and don’t try to take over or tell her what to do. If she isn’t sure, simply encourage her to talk and listen without judgment.
If someone is in immediate danger, call 9-1-1. You can help end violence against women.
