Avoidance strategies are not always a bad thing. Sometimes, these strategies are very effective at helping you cope with small annoyances, such as having to wait in a long line at the store or getting through an awkward family dinner with your in-laws. Avoiding discomfort by playing on your phone or biting your tongue and nodding along when somebody says something rude can be a way of getting through and escaping without an unpleasant argument. In short, if a situation or relationship is not important to you and you just want to get through it as comfortably as possible, avoidance strategies are not a problem.
However, avoidance strategies become a problem when you start avoiding situations that are important to you. Maybe you are stuck in a rut with work, but every time you think about taking steps towards making a positive change, you overthink, talk yourself out of it, and distract yourself with chores to convince yourself you are too busy to apply for new opportunities. Or perhaps there is a burgeoning issue in your relationship, but rather than deal with it and risk conflict, you just distract yourself from the negative feelings, allowing the problem to grow and grow. Avoidance can stop you from taking steps to improve your life, which leaves you feeling miserable and unfulfilled.
Acceptance is the opposite of avoidance. Accepting a situation means staying mindful and grounded, and seeing the truth of any given situation. This involves seeing the situation from multiple viewpoints, rather than just your own. It is also accepting your own emotions, dreams, and thoughts about a situation, even if these internal experiences are inconvenient. If you are unhappy in a relationship, job, or social arrangement, accepting your feelings rather than avoiding them is the first step to making a positive change in your life.
You can practice acceptance through mindfulness exercises such as meditation, journaling, or reflection. You might talk through a situation with a good friend whom you can trust to be totally honest and offer up tough love if they sense you’re trying to avoid the problem. In an interpersonal situation, it means listening nonjudgmentally to another person’s side of the issue and accepting their words as truth, even if they are telling you something you don’t want to hear.
If you feel overwhelmed by reality, remember that you don’t have to address everything at once; acceptance empowers you to make real, grounded choices based on the reality of a situation instead of your brain’s avoidant distortion. But choosing to ignore a problem until you’re ready to deal with it is a valid option, if you are staying mindful and actively choosing this outcome, rather than slipping back into automatic avoidance.
