Don’t let the difficulty of forgiving someone keep you from doing it. Use these tips to help facilitate the process so you can enjoy improved relationships, freedom from your pain, and renewed peace. With a practical plan of action, you may discover that with a little forethought you can offer forgiveness confidently, compassionately, and with the utmost sincerity.
Start with you
Rather than dwelling on the wrongdoer, start by determining what’s keeping you from forgiving. Is it bitterness, obstinance, envy, or pride? Whatever the answer, don’t let the feelings behind your reluctance define who you are. Instead, nurture the qualities in you that allow you to offer grace, such as kindness, courage, and humility. Once you do, the act of pardoning becomes a natural and logical step to restoring peace.
Give empathy a try
While there may not be a good reason for the mistreatment you received, there could be a rational explanation. Try putting yourself in the shoes of the person who wronged you. He or she may be coping with a serious personal problem, like a life-changing illness, a difficult home life, or a job loss. Empathy brings compassion and understanding and makes offering forgiveness a sensible, uplifting, and unifying experience for both parties.
Make sure the time is right
Timing is everything when it comes to forgiveness. If you forgive before you’re ready, the pardon may be half-hearted and insincere, which won’t give you or the offender closure. Waiting too long can make anger and hurt fester, resulting in nonaction or a complete breakdown of the relationship. The right time to forgive is once you’ve accepted the reality of what happened and you’re ready to release the pain you’ve endured. If you can’t decide on your own, consider asking a counsellor for help.
Forgive but don’t necessarily forget
While offering forgiveness helps lift hurt and anger, it doesn’t assume your offender is off the hook for what he or she did. More important, remembering the wrongdoing can help protect you from a repeat offense and future harm if you avoid letting the memory re-escalate and take control of your thoughts. While it’s gracious and liberating to forgive someone, it’s not always wise or practical to forget the offense.
