There is a lot of focus on improving self-esteem, especially among young people. However, individuals with good self-esteem don’t typically focus on improving their self-esteem; these individuals usually have high levels of self-compassion, which naturally leads to a healthy, overall mindset.
Self-compassion means treating yourself the way you would treat a friend or loved one. Having compassion for yourself doesn’t mean being indulgent or selfish; it’s about transforming negative and highly critical self-talk into kinder, more appropriate words and sentiments, forgiving yourself for past mistakes, and being more mindful and present rather than dwelling on past situations. Everybody makes mistakes but being self-compassionate can help you to see situations clearly and learn important lessons.
In contrast, self-esteem is based on judgments. When you judge yourself to be a good person, you have high self-esteem; when you judge yourself to be bad, your self-esteem can dip dramatically, triggering self-criticism and negative thought spirals. If you make a mistake, you will likely experience low levels of self-esteem that can lead to bouts of depression or anxiety.
Self-compassion can combat constant, unhelpful self-judgements that lead to self-esteem fluctuations. Pursuing self-compassion makes people more mindful as they tend to be less affected by ruminations. This can reduce the number of self-esteem dips caused by sudden, triggered memories of a time or place when you made a mistake, in turn lowering your sense of self-worth. Self-compassion also increases your empathy. When you show yourself care and compassion, your positive mindset will then affect any situation you are in, and you are less likely to engage in bullying, criticism of others, or gossip.
Practising self-compassion allows you to see mistakes as separate from your whole self; you are a human being who deserves kindness and compassion, and you can take responsibility and learn any relevant lessons from your errors without letting a mistake affect your entire sense of worth.
Self-esteem and self-compassion are ultimately connected. When you practise self-compassion, your self-esteem will naturally stabilise. People who are compassionate and kind to themselves tend to be happier and more positive, with higher levels of self-esteem.
Aim for self-compassion by actively addressing negative self-talk, treating yourself the way you would treat a loved one, forgiving yourself for past mistakes, and nurturing a growth mindset that will help you to navigate challenges in a healthier way.
