Aunt Ida; Uncle Ray; cousin Josh. We all have them under one name or another; the relatives from hell. And when do we have to put up with them? The holidays.
While it may seem unfair that family members with the loudest mouths and biggest chips on their shoulders tend to determine what type of holiday you will have, it is unlikely these people will change. “Uncle Ray” will drink too much, again. “Aunt Ida” will insist on having her green jello salad served as dessert, and “cousin Josh” will pout until he gets to play his video games.
You may not be able to change them, but what you can do is make sure they don’t ruin another holiday for you. Here are some strategies to try:
• Before you walk into the situation, spend a few minutes thinking about how you want to behave. Don’t just react in the moment. If you’ve had unpleasant experiences in the past, think about why they were unpleasant and what you could do to change the dynamics of the situation.
• You may think you’re showing a polite interest, but some questions may rub a family member the wrong way: “So do you have a boyfriend yet?” “When are you two going to get married/start a family?” “Can you afford that?” Show an interest with more open ended questions, like “What are you up to these days?” or “What’s keeping you busy?”
• Some families enjoy arguing passionately amongst themselves but usually that doesn’t end well. If you know Uncle Ray’s views on politics are going to drive you crazy, don’t bring it up! And if he brings it up, you don’t have to engage. There is a time and a place for everything.
• Don’t drink too much alcohol. It can seem festive, but it’s easy to lose track of how much you have had to drink. Adding alcohol to the mix can make people combative, self pitying or down-right rude. If you are not the drinker and witnessing your relatives get hammered is like watching a train wreck in slow motion, excuse yourself before the sparks actually fly.
• Can’t stand the traditional hype? Ask yourself this: Would it kill you to play your part in the traditions? Try to be patient. It only happens once a year. If, on the other hand, you’re the one who wants everything to be perfect, try to ease up on yourself and everyone else, so you can enjoy the day, whatever happens.
• Don’t overeat. You’ll have more fun if you’re not feeling uncomfortably full and then guilty about having eaten too much.
And if the idea of spending one more holiday with relatives that upset you causes you sleepless nights, it’s okay to say no. Celebrating with just your partner or kids can be a wonderful alternative to seeing people who make you feel consistently stressed.
