It’s easy to get upset with people before we contemplate what they might be going through. When someone does something that could be considered offensive or rude, we tend to react negatively to that person’s words and actions. We take it personally.
The truth is that everybody carries burdens.
When we see a co-worker with a sour face, we assume he or she is mad at us, or if there is a bad driver on the road, we may feel he is intentionally out to get us. But we don’t know about the troubles they might be facing.
One of the best ways to break free from the notion that someone’s behaviour is a personal attack is to become curious. When somebody does something you dislike, ponder what might be the problem.
Perhaps your scowling co-worker is grieving rather than angry, or the inadequate driver in front of you is frail and unwell. While we may not know a strangers’ circumstances, we can use our own experiences and imagination to see another side of the story.
When life is good and we feel terrific, it’s doubtful our behaviour will affect others adversely. However, if we recall how we behave when life doesn’t go to plan, we can see our actions aren’t always perfect. For example, we might mean well, but maybe we aren’t as thoughtful as usual, and we inadvertently upset someone.
With this in mind, we can consider the person upsetting us is facing challenges we don’t know about. We can open our minds to the possibility this person means us no harm and that the behaviour stems from anxiety rather than ill-will.
Consider potential scenarios that may trigger a negative response or action. For example, this person might be preoccupied, busy, exhausted, or worried. Of course, you will come across that one person who is selfish, thoughtless, or unkind. Even so, you can go further down the rabbit hole and think about what caused them to acquire these negative traits.
When you consider what makes people tick, it’s easier to understand their actions when they behave in ways you may not like. You can give them the benefit of the doubt and move on without getting upset.
Sometimes you can even smile, offer a helping hand, or silently forgive people when they don’t act with care and consideration for your needs. You don’t build resentment when you react with such kindness, and thoughtless people can’t spoil your day.
