According to psychologist and author Mitch Prinstein, there are two kinds of popularity, and which one you are matters. Many people associate their school days with being popular or shunned. Back then, what your peers thought of you seemed important. However, people strive for approval long past childhood and teenage years. Indeed, being likable is vital for your well-being regardless of age.
Two types of popularity
One kind of admiration people strive to obtain relates to status. Flash cars, big houses, and expensive holidays appeal to individuals who want others to admire them for their wealth and social standing. If you’re concerned about status, you work hard to produce outward shows of prosperity.
The other type of popularity, which Prinstein suggests is preferable, relates to being likable. You can be popular for being rich, but this doesn’t necessarily mean people like you. You’re better off when others genuinely hold you in high esteem because they enjoy your company than when they only admire your status.
When the desire for popularity and likability begins
The recognition of the concepts of popularity and likability occurs during childhood. Notably, kids cotton on to the idea that it’s wise to be held in high esteem at school. They want their classmates to admire them so they will be accepted and feel part of a group.
The type of popularity you reach for — status or likability — influences your behaviour, success, and well-being later in life. Choose rank over friendliness, and you opt for the losing side. You may make money, but you could lose out socially if you don’t build skills that make you likable.
People support likable individuals in times of need. As a result, those who are most likable have many friendships and tend to be happy. Of course, recognizing the benefits of being liked and achieving wealth will give you the edge. However, it’s best to opt for likability if you can’t manage both.
Why chasing status can reduce well-being
Going all out for prestige while being disliked leads to problems. Your relationships suffer, making you less likely to connect with others. Research suggests you might also be depressed and engage in substance abuse.
What if you’re the unhelpful type of popular?
It’s never too late to develop social skills and constructive personal qualities. If you think you’ve pursued status at the expense of likability, you can still find the agreeable side of your nature.
For example, you can reflect on how to be generous with your time and energy. Studies show people like others more when they make a physical effort to help individuals rather than shell out cash for good causes.
Also, become a good listener. Status-addicted folks spend a lot of time talking about their wealth and accomplishments instead of finding out about others. So tweak your communication skills.
Focus on gaining information, discovering people’s wishes and dreams, and what they are experiencing in their lives. As a result, your likability score will escalate.
Being likable affects your happiness, relationships, and stress levels. Aim for prestige, but don’t forget the importance of likability.
