How can people not know they are a bully? You would be surprised to realize that there are some friends, co-workers or bosses out there who consider their behaviour aggressive, but not hurtful. Perhaps you are one of these people. Where do you draw the line?
Treating friends and co-workers with respect is the starting point. If you find yourself getting easily frustrated with friends or colleagues and want to put them in line by putting them down to “show them who’s better”, perhaps your actions or what you say are indeed hurtful to others. Could be you are making someone’s life a living hell and you don’t even know it.
You may think that external things— the insensitive actions of other people, for example, or frustrating situations— are what cause you to react in a negative manner. But such problems have less to do with what happens to you than how you interpret and think about what happened.
Watch for these common negative thinking patterns that trigger and fuel aggressive behavior:
• Obsessing on “shoulds” and “musts.” Having a rigid view of the way things should or must be and getting angry when reality doesn’t line up with this vision.
• Mind reading and jumping to conclusions. Assuming you “know” what someone else is thinking or feeling—that he or she intentionally upset you, ignored your wishes, or disrespected you.
• Collecting straws. Looking for things to get upset about, usually while overlooking or blowing past anything positive. Letting these small irritations build and build until you reach the “final straw” and explode, often over something relatively minor.
• Blaming. When anything bad happens or something goes wrong, it’s always someone else’s fault. You blame others for the things that happen to you rather than taking responsibility for your own life.
Are you questioning your behavior? Talk with someone you trust to give you an honest answer.
