When someone close to you is fighting a terrible disease like cancer, it’s easy to forget about yourself and devote all of your time to him or her.
After all, you have your whole life ahead of you and theirs might be cut short. It seems a small sacrifice to make. But that small sacrifice can turn into serious problems for you and other members of your family if you don’t take care of yourself as well.
You are important too. If you don’t take care of yourself, you may not be able to care for others. This is why you need to take good care of you.
According to the National Cancer Institute, it’s common to feel stressed and overwhelmed at times when you are taking care of your loved one. Like him or her, you may feel angry, sad, or worried. Try to share your feelings with others who can help you. It can help to talk about how you feel. You could even talk to a counsellor or social worker.
It’s likely you will experience many feelings as you take care of your loved one. There is no right way for you to feel. Each person is different. Know that your feelings are normal. Give yourself some time to think through them.
Some feelings that may come and go are:
• Sadness. It’s okay to feel sad. But if it lasts for more than 2 weeks, and it keeps you from doing what you need to do, you may be depressed.
• Anger. You may be angry at yourself or family members. You may be angry at the person you’re caring for. Or you may be angry that your loved one has cancer. Sometimes anger comes from fear, panic, or stress. If you are angry, try to think of what makes you feel this way. Knowing the cause may help.
• Grief. You may be feeling a loss of what you value most. This may be your loved one’s health. Or it may be the loss of the day-to-day life you had before the cancer was found. Let yourself grieve these losses.
• Guilt. Feeling guilty is common, too. You may think you aren’t helping enough. Or you may feel guilty that you are healthy.
• Loneliness. You can feel lonely, even with lots of people around you. You may feel that no one understands your problems. You may also be spending less time with others.
Talk with someone if your feelings get in the way of daily life. Maybe you have a family member, friend, or spiritual leader to talk to. Your doctor may also be able to help. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Remember, if you get help for yourself:
• You may stay healthier and have more energy.
• Your loved one may feel less guilty about your help. • Other helpers may offer time and skills that you don’t have.
